Get the Life You Want Now — The Sassy Way
Heal the Past and Build The Future By Finding and Following Your Inner North Star, Developing Your Sass, and Finally Getting Control Over Your Life
Today I am the sum of all my experiences and beliefs that shaped me as well as the decisions I made, both good and bad, that led me to the situation in which I now find myself. While some things are beyond my control, I choose to focus on what I can influence, namely my own attitude and actions.
I am far from perfect. In fact, I dare to say I am quite flawed. I have been to hell and back and made enemies along the way. I have done things I can never take back, things I am not proud of, and would give anything to be able to undo. While my intentions were always good, my attitude and my judgment weren’t, and sometimes I also chose bad company and counsel.
But there is one thing I know for certain, from the deepest part of my heart, and without any doubt: that life is what you make of it. But the road is rarely clear. On the contrary. Life is often full of roadblocks, potholes, and detours. But if you know your destination, does the road even matter?
I once thought I knew it all: get a good education, find an amazing job, marry the perfect spouse, have kids, buy a house, and voilà! Happiness guaranteed, right? Not quite. For a while I felt good, but eventually things shifted, I changed and burned out, left my agency, got divorced, and started over…at nearly 40!
It doesn’t have to be that way. You see, I was misguided in my initial quest. I had great shoes and I didn’t have the right map. Life isn’t the way I thought it was. After my own experiences, I sought to set things straight and build tools to help others avoid the mistakes I made.
That’s why I developed a North Star Mission Statement. Polaris, commonly known as the North Star, is my favorite star. While it isn’t the brightest in the sky, it is located almost directly in line with the Earth’s axis so while other stars come and go throughout the night, you will always find Polaris directly overhead. You can count on the North Star, even on the stormiest nights.
We all need to develop a North Star inside ourselves, a safe spot to return to, a “home base”, and a compass that will guide us in the right direction and remind us where we want to go. You can’t lose your way even in the toughest times if you have a North Star. While tough times may temporarily decrease its’ visibility, you always know it is there and have absolute faith that it will appear again soon.
What is Your North Star?
To guide me throughout my life journey, I try to aim higher than what most adults settle for emotionally and spiritually. I like to say that I “woke up” but another way of describing it is that to find my North Star, I connected my conscious and subconscious minds. To do this, I needed to heal and let go of the past. Through this process, I elevated myself to a higher state of awareness I like to call State 5.
In this elevated State 5 of awareness, I am guided by my North Star, I am full of courage, clarity, and will to succeed. I don’t compare myself to others nor does their opinion of me affect me one way or the other. My goals are crystal clear. While roadblocks may still happen, I’m now equipped to go “off-road” in my life, thanks to my North Star.
Go into your deepest subconscious and pull up the naked truth. Are you holding on to old beliefs about yourself or fears that are no longer valid? Did you experience trauma or were you perhaps stigmatized by past events? What are the skeletons in your closet that you need to address? You can’t plan your best future when you are still living with a past version of yourself.
What is it that you want more than anything for your health, career, relationships, and lifestyle? What are your passions and talents? How about the weaknesses you know you need to work on? Finding your inner North Star means seeking clarity on a deeper level and being fully honest with yourself. You must get past people-pleasing and compliance with others’ expectations or society ideals to discover what your heart is saying.
If you wish for more explanation, you can watch my video where I walk through this in detail:
Heal the Past
You may feel ready to change but you can’t move into your best self without first addressing your past self. Recall any trauma you may have faced, any ways you were stigmatized, the relationships you had with family and friends, and experiences that marked you in some way. In some cases, the past may be painful but don’t try to skip it because this is part of your journey forward. Look at your past from a distance and forgive and let go of any wrongdoings. Acknowledge your role in your past and decide if and how you want to be different in the future. Say goodbye to the past properly, not in a hurry.
Design a Mission and Vision Statement
Writing down your intentions doubles your chances of achieving your goals. After all, vaguely thinking something vs. writing it down in detail is different as day and night. Writing makes it real.
Just like a business, you are your brand so why not write a mission and vision statement?
The first step is to journal on topics around your desires, talents, and visualize the future. I like to journal first thing in the morning because I am a morning person but every one is different so pick the time you are most alert.
Mission = I want to help (insert people) with/by (insert service) to (insert the outcome).
Vision = In five years, I see myself (insert your vision that ties in with your mission).
It also helps for defining one’s mission to seek out role models who inspire you. In fact, surround yourself with amazing stories and driven people. You can listen to podcasts, read self-help books and biographies, watch TedX talks, and follow thought leaders whose work and style you enjoy.
Master Your Emotions
You won’t get very far on your success journey if you let yourself be influenced by others’ behavior towards you. You will have haters. Rude people are everywhere. Family and friendships can be complicated. If you are focused on your mission, you must rise above the drama through distancing your feelings from situations and keeping your eye on the prize. I won’t lie that it takes self-discipline, especially when you are affronted by someone, but you can do it. And it will pay off. Because emotions are energy. You need your energy to give your all towards your goals and you have none to spare on idiots and short-term annoyances.
Create Space for Self and Keep It Simple
The thing that helped me most was to find quiet time for myself through morning meditation and yoga, mid-day walks in nature, and evening reads. I simplified my life to the very basics: no tv, hardly ever drive a car, minimum wardrobe and purchases, and living conditions that require almost no housekeeping. Cluttered house = cluttered mind. I also didn’t let myself be intertwined in drama or dependencies on other people. By creating this physical, emotional, and mental space for myself, I can focus better on my goals and maintain sharp mental clarity.
Step Out of Your Comfort Zone
You don’t grow by doing the easy stuff. If you want to achieve great things, you must be ready to take risks into the unknown. Every day you should try to do something new and a bit scary. Get comfortable being uncomfortable. Since you master your emotions, you won’t get frustrated but build patience and have faith that you are progressing. This should not be short-term but turn into a lifestyle.
“I don’t stop when I’m tired, I stop when I’m done.” — David Goggins
Build a Success Team
“If you want to go fast, go alone; but if you want to go far, go together.” — African Proverb
I cannot stress the importance of surrounding yourself with the right people who can help you succeed. Wise mentors can show you the way. Supportive peers can motivate you when things get rough. A coach can point out the blind spots that are holding you back and help you resolve them. When you build your team at work, you need a success team too.
Once you have your North Star Mission Statement, you should be crystal clear on what you want. Healing the past will mean you won’t self-sabotage your success. Your success team won’t let you stray too far. BUT if you don’t find your sass and mental toughness, you still may fail.
I realized that sass was my secret sauce in my life.
My sass is my grit, my mental toughness, and my self-confidence all rolled into one.
I highly recommend for everyone to get sassy! In fact, I even named my life coaching services The SASSY METHOD because I believe in it so much.
State 4 of Awareness: lie to yourself, stay busy, settle for a mediocre life, let others mistreat you, feel sorry for yourself, then get old and die.
State 5 of Awareness: heal the past, get your support team in-place, get rid of toxic people, crave out space for enjoyment and self-care, and find your sass to pursue your dreams so you leave a legacy behind long after you are gone.