Member-only story
How to Set Goals the Right Way
And Why Most People Don’t Do It
No one ever taught me how to set goals. Instead, I heard what my goals were generic, superficial, and ego-driven: “Go to college and get a degree.” “Marry a nice guy with a steady job.” “Diet and exercise so you don’t get fat.” “Buy a nice house, since your house is everything.” These were just a few things put in my head by my well-meaning grandmother who raised me. In the first half of my adult life, I continued to look to others to set my goals for me. In my career and private life, I sought approval, admiration, and rewards for achieving goals that would please others. I tried to be the best worker, wife, mother, and friend.
Until one day in my 30s I realized that I was unfulfilled and even worse, I was unsure of whom I really was. As a massive people pleaser, I’d lost touch with myself since I was too busy worrying about what others wanted from me or comparing myself to what others had achieved. The results were that I didn’t even care about my recent achievements because, in many ways, they had never been mine. And, of course, I never felt good enough and suffered from imposter syndrome because they weren’t my true goals.
When was the last time someone asked you if you were happy?
