Member-only story
MINDSET: Playing House
A Traveler's Desire for Normality
Over my childhood of regularly moving around and not having one home, I held on to one constant: the desire to make myself feel at home where ever I was. I did this by arranging my “home”. I would put up posters on the walls if allowed, prop up photo frames of my family members, put my stuffed animals and blanket over the bed, add small items on the dresser to brighten up space, and spend a lot of time arranging my things in an optimal way.
I always had a lot of stuff. I hung on to my stuff like a life raft, my sometimes only sense of normality in a mad life. I didn’t know how long I’d be staying in one place so at least I had everything I owned to make it feel familiar and safe. The more scared I got, the more I cherished my things. I could close my eyes and pretend I had a permanent home and a sense of security.
I remember one of the earliest purchases I made on my own was at a home decoration shop in Iowa where I bought some knick-knacks for my mom for Mother’s Day. I always wanted to beautify the home.
What I was really after were security and belonging, but those two things never came. Instead, I have often moved around.
Why do we humans crave the one thing we can’t have?
